Saturday, November 11, 2006

Feverish

Stewart Sternberg said...
Jess, I have a writing assignment on my blog I think you might enjoy. I mention this based on some of the posts you've made. The writing assignment is a challenge to write 1000 words or less, focusing on character development and dialogue, to write about a seduction. The seduction can take any form. It can be light or dark. It can be romantic or not. I will link to all postings with the assignment this coming Friday. Anyway, just thought you and anyone here might be interested.



I wrote this fictional tale in response to Stewart Sternberg’s assignment. It is more romantic than seductive. I realize that it is lacking in dialogue and it is over his count suggestion by 270 words, but it is what I was inspired to write. Maybe I’ll write something sexier later in the week. Thanks for including me Stewart. I added your interesting blog to my Luring Link List.

I look forward to reading other submissions. I’m sure that I will learn something.

Jessika Eve saw him for the first time while he was onstage tickling his guitar strings and her heart with his seductively sweet lyrics. He had curly dark hair and a large masculine presence that was inviting to her at a deep level. She immediately felt the urge to lick his perfect teeth. After falling in love with his soulful words and style she felt her body aching to sit on his lap. She wanted to wrap her long legs around his back and feel his broad chest pressed tightly against her full and tender breasts.

Jessika was wearing a mini skirt. She imagined how the denim fabric would slide up and over her hips exposing her shapely thighs. She imagined feeling his bulge pressing against her pelvic bone and making the crotch of her pink panties damp. She wondered how his lips would taste.

She just learned that the musician with the captivating male voice was called Dylan Ray. Dylan was the surprisingly handsome and intriguing opening act for a fantastic female named Fiona Apple. Jessika doesn’t attend many concerts, as she has two young children. She had attended many concerts as a teen, and had never felt a physical attraction to a musician or band due to digging their style--or even because they were hot.

Jessika was new to her third decade, which had surprised her with a sexual awakening and openness that she had never expected. She was relatively shy around men in her teens and twenties and had almost always ignored their interest in her. However, a hormonal frenzy had transformed her into a woman who was ripe with hunger for experimentation. When she laid eyes on Dylan, she didn’t mean to feel the way she did. It just happened, as naturally as a rose opens its silky petals unto the warmth of summer sunshine.

She was giddy with an internal excitement that made her feel almost desperate to capture his heart—his lust. She was also struck with shame as to the intensity of her desire to make him notice her. She had always thought that groupies who threw themselves at musicians were vacuous sluts. Jessika was an intelligent, selective woman who had fewer lovers in her adult life than she could count on one hand.

Jessika sent Dylan an email to tell him how much his talent had touched her. She shared details and photos of herself, even though she knew she was only a raindrop in a sea of enamored fans. She wanted to stand out. She wanted to make him as curious about her as she was about him.

His reply was friendly and polite, but somewhat clipped. He gave her his phone number after reading some of her blog entries. However, Jess was too much of a coward to actually call him. Dylan followed up by saying that he was intrigued and was looking forward to meeting her at a show, but he was not interested in trying to develop intimacy through emails. He had a busy week traveling from LA to NY for gigs and then home to have a crew waiting to tape a show, which would air on a major network the following week.

Jessika was anxious and excited about meeting him. She was unsure if she should go through with her idea to have a sleepover party with her girlfriends after his show at the Bed & Breakfast. She really wanted to spend time bonding with her girlfriends, while they enjoyed cocktails and Dylan’s great music. She also planned to play Truth or Dare like they did as girls, and have a pillow fight--and jump on the beds--and collapse giggling.

Motherhood allowed little time for such uninhibited fun.

She was also hoping to find the courage to ask Dylan to hang out with them for a little while in their room. She was even secretly hoping that he might kiss her goodnight.

Kate has been Jess’s beautiful auburn-haired, Irish best friend since they met in first grade. Like Jess, she is a mother of two. They still live in the same neighborhood, a little more than two blocks apart like when they were little girls. They played tag, hide-n-seek, jump rope, cheerleader and baton twirler during their elementary school years almost every day until Kate threatened to go home from sheer exhaustion.

Lisa is Jess’s pretty, petite German girlfriend. She has chestnut hair and eyes, and a beautiful wide, warm and inviting smile that Jess has known since fourth grade. They played Nintendo games like Mario Brothers together a lot after high school. Lisa is a social worker who is dedicated to her job. She drives so fast that Jessica found herself holding on for dear life, as a passenger in her Prius on their way to college classes.

Rae is Jessika’s almost-twin, physically. However, Rae is the prettier twin due to her cuter nose and fuller mouth, which Jess tells her often, as she affectionately kisses her on the cheek. However, Jess was genetically blessed with bigger breasts. They both have shoulder length blonde hair, long legs, narrow size-nine feet and heart-shaped faces with big round eyes framed by long lashes. Jess has blue and Rae’s are green. Rae lied to her friends in high school telling them that Jess was her twin from Texas who used to live with their dad. (Jess was forced to fake a southern accent on one occasion while visiting Rae at the restaurant where she was a waitress.)

Jess corralled her pals after several phone calls, emails and babysitting arrangements. All four women rode together in Jessika’s white SUV, while singing and being as silly as teenagers on the forty five minute ride to the show. The group of women discussed what they were going to wear down to their accessories--and the results were stunning. Jess chose a curve-hugging black, cashmere V-neck sweater, skinny jeans and scarlet, peep-toe, sling-back, patent leather pumps. She accented her outfit with a simple pair of large silver hoop earrings, a diamond bracelet and a sleek black wristlet. Her new lacy black lingerie was hidden, but made her feel more feminine.

After they arrived at the cozy B&B, they gathered around a table and ordered cocktails. Dinner was served a short while later, as Dylan took the stage. They quietly fed each other forkfuls of rich food, but Jessika was transfixed by the delicious man onstage, and therefore had trouble swallowing.

The room was relatively small and they were the only table full of women, but the professional performer didn’t seem to notice them in the small venue. However, after the concert he approached their table, as Jessika felt her legs begin to tremble. She felt like a little girl who was about to meet Fonzie, from her favorite show Happy Days for the first time. Phil’s manner was cool, as he smiled and said, “Hello ladies, thanks for coming out.” His attention turned toward Jess, as he said, “You must be Jessika.” All three of Jess’s friends focused on her, as they waited for her reply. They were aware of her crush.

Jessika’s voice came out as a whisper, “Hi. You were terrific.” Her mouth was dry. She picked up a glass of water and sipped, as she gazed up into his friendly face. Their eyes held for the briefest of moments, as Jessika felt her whole body buzzing with the realization that Dylan recognized her face from her photographs. Jess forced herself to continue to introduce herself and her friends, while feeling a little dizzy and overwhelmed by excitement. Her heart was fluttering faster than butterflies’ wings, as she offered her hand. Instead of shaking it, Dylan pulled her to her feet and into a tight embrace that flooded her with a feverish flush. Jessika melted into his arms.

9 comments:

Bud said...

Well that's well written enough to make me want to know what happened next!

Stewart Sternberg said...

There are some good things here.

I posted because you put some thought and effort into your blog and it seems that writing is something that you've toyed with.

I'll give you some feedback, if it's okay.

"He had curly dark hair and a large masculine presence that was inviting to her at a deep level. She immediately felt the urge to lick his perfect teeth."...nice description. Actually...pretty hot description.

There is an old saying in some of the writers' groups I frequent: "Show don't tell." I hate this saying, but I know it has some merit.

In the start of this sketch, you do just that. You show. Later, you give us information on Lisa, Rae and Kate. I think this might pull away from the tension you create early on.

Good work. I hope you enjoyed writing this.

Jessica said...

Thanks, Bud. Maybe I will continue the story.

Stewart, You advice is greatly appreciated. I had fun writing it. It just poured out of me as soon as I thought of the scenario.

Renee said...

You are a smart cookie girl.

Eric said...

You should write a book!

Susan Miller said...

Thank you for writing this. I knew when you started with the guy and his guitar strings that I would like it. And, yes, like Stu said, it was very hot in those first few paragraphs. I, too, was distracted by the friends because I was just wanting to hear more about the guy and the girl. Good stuff!

Jon said...

If anyone ever wondered what happened after the song "Killing me Softly," they should read this.
"...lick his perfect teeth." Oh, yeah, eat your heart out, Roberta Flack.
So, so nicely erotic.
A criticism? Lose the catalog of friends. Not needed. Otherwise, very nicely done.

Lori Witzel said...

Thanks so much for visiting my writing exercise, J.! Ditto on the feedback -- one thing that was clear to me was you had a lot of fun romping through your imagination, and it shows/was conveyed!

Re: the pomegranate seed. I hate to drill into the "what and why" but thought you'd enjoy learning why I picked that particular fruit.

1. It does have a translucent crimson that evokes blood.
2. The deal was sealed between Persephone and Hades when she ate pomegranate seeds. And I wanted the same intensity and ripple of associations.
3. Pluto, the Roman version of Hades, is associated with metal and metallurgy...as well as secrets, the occult, and the unconscious. All of which fit the scene, I thought.

The image came first, but the scrap-heap pile of things I've read over the years bubbles stuff up, and then I say..."ooh -- that may be the right thing."

Have tons 'o fun this weekend!

Pythia3 said...

Hi Jessica. Thanks for visiting my blog.
I liked your story. As a woman (with a teenager alive inside), and being a sucker for musicians, I felt Jessika's building desire.
I agree with everyone who suggested to leave out the descriptions of her friends and focus more on the exchange between Jess and Dylan.
I would have loved more dialogue (It can be tough - I am just learning how to write fictional dialogue and having one hell of a time!)
One more suggestion, but I am not an expert, by far . . . keep the story in the past tense of "was" rather than changing it to "is." Again, Stewart and Jon know much more than me, but that suggestion is coming from the point of the "reader."
Thanks for sharing your story - I am going to see Todd Rudgren in a few days and he does "that" to me! He makes me crazy - and you reminded me!