Monday, January 30, 2006

My Buddy and Me

Wanna hear what my sweet son said to me ten minutes ago? He peeked his head into my bedroom door and announced, "Hey mom, you know when you'll be tough?----Never." It made me laugh.
I don't wanna be tough. I'm happy that I'm learning some cool martial arts moves while exercising and having fun.

My loving son came into my room after school this afternoon, as I was folding laundry. He usually gives me a warm hug. Today, he knocked me onto my bed. He said, "Hey Ma, I knocked ya over with one arm. That's pathetic. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
We wrestled. I tried to push him onto his back, so I could give him a full body squeeze as I repeated, "Let me win. Let me win. Let me win."
He pushed me onto my back and gave me a three minute hug, while I repeatedly kissed his cheek. I know that he teases me because he loves me. He makes me happy. He's my buddy.

Remember the commercial for My Buddy? I sing it to my son...
“My Buddy, My Buddy, Wherever I go, he goes, My Buddy, My Buddy, I’ll teach him everything I know…” “My Buddy, My Buddy, My Buddy and me!”

The doll was kinda creepy, but the jingle was cute.

Passion Fruit Punch

It makes sense that sweet juice=sweeter juice. I think I'll drink more fruit juice, too. I would imagine that it might make anyone taste more like fresh and fruity cane sugar syrup.

*Andy, I like stories that mention Tommy Lee and pineapple flavored drinks. Yummy! Thanks for sharing. And, I like giving--good tip!

Hope you’re eating lots of celery and fruit, more powerful is always better. Your new nickname should be salad shooter. You might want to buy your wife a shower cap, unless she likes super hold hairspray. (There’s Something About Mary comes to mind.)

Maybe if I drank a glass of strawberry juice on Monday, grape juice on Tuesday, pineapple juice on Wednesday, cherry juice on Thursday, peach juice on Friday and apple juice on Saturday...I might taste like fruit punch by Sunday.

I think I'll start eating more fruit salads, too.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Musical Movement

My inspirational instructor gave me the nickname Uma, two weeks ago while he was teaching me how to use a bamboo sword and wood bow. He is teaching me martial arts skills, which include an assortment of punches, blocks, kicks and kata. I am hoping to have a body like Uma Thurman's in Kill Bill by June. I want to be longer and leaner and a little bit bad--or maybe just less pathetic.

Fighting is completely against my nature. There is nothing intimidating about me. My "tough girl" face tends to elicit giggles rather than intimidation when I am trying to discipline my children or be taken seriously during a disagreement. I seem to have the same effect on my teacher. I was never really interested in martial arts or boxing sort of stuff. However, I have done a lot of kickboxing workouts.

After a free workshop given by Bally’s handsome new personal trainer, Dennis, I decided that learning self defense techniques was fun and interesting. I was bored with my exercise routine, so I decided to “kick it up a notch”—to steal a phrase from the adorable chef Emeril Lagasse.

This week, Dennis began teaching me a complex kata, which he put together from an awesome library of pretty, but deadly moves. His agile dance changes tempo, as he strikes imaginary pressure sensitive points. His focus creates a storm of sharp, smooth and sexy rhythms. His body becomes an expression of the art of war. His gorgeous athletic ability is breathtaking and a little intimidating. However, he motivates me through the choreography with patient repetition and a warm smile.

Dennis is the kind of guy who offers friendship along with sharing his knowledge of black belt martial arts. He is a kind Karate Master—and he is fantastic!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Candy Kiss

I take my daughter a small glass of chocolate milk almost every night, while she is reading in bed. Last night as I was tucking her into bed, she sighed and whispered, “Mommy, I love you more than chocolate milk.” I felt her little arms wrap around me as a Hershey’s kiss brushed my cheek. Love much sweeter than chocolate warmed my entire body. I wore a silky peach nightgown to bed--and her candy kiss.

Monday, January 23, 2006


You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Sour and Sweet

My trainer and my dentist would love this--I ate a handful of Sour Patch Kids for breakfast. (In bed) I asked my daughter what her favorite flavors were. She replied as she popped a soft and chewy lemon candy into her small, pink mouth, “Red, orange then yellow and my least favorite is green. I said, “Guess what, my order is the same.” Her pretty, blue eyes grew wide and she smiled at me. Then I said, “Guess what?” She looked at me. My heart skipped a little as my eyes danced over the tiny light sprinkling of freckles that kiss her nose and cheekbones. I declared, “I love you SO much that you can have the last red one in the bag.” I handed it to her. She broke it in half and said, “Here mommy, you have the head.” I replied, “No thank you, honey, you eat it.” And she did.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Sexy Scandanavia

*All of that sex in the sauna can lead to ridiculously large families!

Health Benefits of Saunas

I have been using the sauna at my gym a few times per week after working out for an hour or two. Each time that I have entered the soft red light of the hellishly hot rock pit room, I've wondered what the health benefits were for suffering/staying in there for 10-15 minutes. I finally googled the information today...

During a 10-20 minute sauna session, your heart rate increases by 50-75%. This provides the same metabolic result as physical exercise and the increased cardiac load is the equivalent to a brisk walk. There is a nominal effect on blood pressure because the heat also causes blood vessels in skin to expand to accommodate increased blood flow.

  • Blood vessels become more flexible and there is increased circulation to the extremities. During a sauna, blood flow to the skin increases to as high as 50-70% of cardiac output (compared to the standard 5-10%). This brings nutrients to subcutaneous & surface tissue resulting in glowing healthy skin.
  • Steam baths and saunas induce sweating to provide a comprehensive cleansing of the skin and sweat glands. Skin is the largest organ in the body. 30% of body wastes are passed through the skin. Profuse sweating enhances the detoxifying capacity of the skin by opening pores and flushing impurities from the body.
  • When taking a sauna, skin temperature rises to 40°C (104°F) and internal body temperature rises to about 38°C (100.4°F). Exposure to the high heat creates an artificial fever state. Fever is part of the body’s natural healing process. Fever stimulates the immune system resulting in increased production of disease fighting white blood cells, antibodies and interferon (an anti viral protein with cancer fighting capability).
  • Spas and other such therapeutic facilities utilise saunas and steam baths in conjunction with massage to loosen fatty tissue and assist in the battle against cellulite.
  • Many regular steam and sauna users claim that a “good sweat” at the onset helps relieve and ward off the most severe symptoms of cold or flu.
  • Relief from the pain and stiffness of arthritis.
  • Steam is an excellent treatment for respiratory problems, such as chest congestion, bronchitis, laryngitis and sinusitis.
  • Revives tired and strained muscles after physical exertion.
  • The cleansing effect of profuse perspiration helps provide healthy skin and a clear complexion.

*The main risk of a sauna is staying in too long and fainting from overheating. People who are most susceptible to this are those with heart disease or who have been drinking alcohol. It really isn't a good idea to combine drinking with a sauna.

*Sauna History

*Interesting Sauna Facts

Saturday, January 14, 2006

He Loves Me but Wants to Separate/He Loves Me and Wants to Start Over


I bought hazelnut coffee last week. The smell of it reminded me of my mom’s kitchen while she was cooking brunch. She loved hazelnut coffee with cinnamon. It has a comforting and enticing aroma. The coffee has a rich flavor that tastes as good as it smells.

As I was drinking my morning coffee, I began wondering about hazelnuts. I didn’t think that I had ever seen one or eaten one, so I decided to look them up.

After reading about them, I realized that I had eaten chocolate covered fiberts (hazelnuts), which were really yummy.

I’d like to try a few of the recipes that I found. Maybe you will, too. Enjoy!

Hazelnuts have long been a favorite in desserts and pastries. Now they are branching out into savory recipes, giving a nutty lift to meats, seafoods, and vegetables. Why are hazelnuts also called filberts? Learn about hazelnuts and filberts, how to store them, and get some cooking tips before delving into the hazelnut recipes.

Hazelnut and filbert history

Hazelnuts, a member of the Corylus botanical family, have been cultivated in China for more than 5,000 years. The hazel part of its name comes from the Anglo-Saxon word haesel meaning a headdress or bonnet, referring to the shape of outer shell covering. Hazelnuts are reputed to be native to Asia Minor, from whence they spread to Italy, Spain, France, and Germany via Greece.

Prior to the 1940s, hazelnuts were imported to the States. Today they are grown commercially in the Northwest US. Hazelnuts are about the size of a small marble. The nutmeat is encased in a hard shell that resembles an acorn without its cap. The rich, sweet nutmeat has a bitter brown paper-thin skin that is usually removed before eating. These nuts contain a wealth of oil, 88 percent unsaturated, which is pressed for use as the aromatic and delicately flavored hazelnut oil. Although it cannot be heated to high temperatures, this oil is favored by gourmets worldwide and is relatively expensive. Luckily, a little goes a long way.

Why are hazelnuts called filberts?

The most commonly accepted explanation is because hazelnuts mature on or around St. Philibert's Day, August 20. Other historians believe the term filbert derives from the German vollbart meaning full beard, a reference to the appearance of the husked shell. Although the current definition of filbert tends to refer to commercial cultivated crops of hazelnuts, the terms hazelnut and filbert are generally used interchangeably. Hazelnuts are also known as cobnuts in some areas. Other experts claim these are all different varieties of the nut, but once shelled, they are quite difficult to tell apart.

*Information from

Monday, January 09, 2006

Need a New Number

I miss my cellphone. It was my little security device. I used it to call my kids and check on them if we were out and about or to call other family members or friends. Now it's gone and I feel a little less connected while I'm driving in my car or running errands. I need to buy a new one as soon as possible.

I used Nextel for the two-way. I just bought a new one about three weeks ago after he broke the last one--and now he confiscated it. I was on his business plan with his company. I guess I can use any cellphone service that I want now. Have any recommendations?

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Searching for Security

My jaw is radiating pain, especially on the left side.

I thought he was going to choke me, but he grabbed my face. He squeezed my jaw and chin with both hands until I thought my face might break. I tried to scream and begged him to stop, as I tried to pry his hands off of me. My son and daughter were sleeping. My son heard the noise and came running down the stairs. He stood between us and asked his dad to leave. His dad shot back, "You don't tell me to leave my own fucking house!" as he lunged at him and pushed him and shook his finger in his face. I begged him not to hurt him. My son started shaking and crying and said, “Dad, please just leave, please just leave. Promise me you won't hurt her. Just promise me you won't hurt her. Just promise, as he continued to try to block his father from where I was sitting on the sofa.

His dad kept pushing back and pacing. His face was dark. My son continued. “Dad, please just leave I'm sick of all of this yelling.” I asked my husband to please stop. I explained that he was upsetting the kids. He continued pacing and shouting. I was terrified that he was really going hurt me.

I ran for the phone. I dialed 911. My son tried to take the phone away. I guess he didn’t want his dad to be arrested. My instincts told me that I had to call. My husband hung up the phone. 911 called back. He told them very serenely and politely that his wife must have called. It’s amazing how quickly he can shift gears and be calm and charming. There was no trace of the violent anger that had been venting from him moments before.

He left me a few days ago and then changed his mind two days later. Friday morning he called me and asked me on a date. We had dinner together at an Italian restaurant. He mustered kindness. I felt like he was pretending. He explained that he still loves me. He said, “I should leave you, but I still love you” I thought to myself I’m scared of you and I don’t like you and I wish you had stayed away. But I smiled silently as he continued, “I know I’m a piece of shit to you sometimes, but I can’t stay away. I thought, “Yeah, I should have left you many times before, too.”

He massaged my foot under the table while we ate big plates of pescatore. We went home and he made love to me. It was tender and delicious. We made love again the next morning. It was frenzied and hot. He wanted to cum inside of me. I said no. I knew it wasn’t good timing for a baby.

We both tried to be pleasant in every way, but the mistrust and fear were not far under the surface. It doesn’t take much to come bursting out.

I set him off when I tried to look at his cell phone bill. He grabbed it from the mail pile and shoved it into his back pocket. I tried to take it from his back pocket and he grabbed my arm and squeezed it and told me to get the fuck away from him. I said, “What are you hiding?” He growled, “Nothing.” I said, “Then let me see it."He yelled, "No!" and pushed me again, which started a full out rant on his part.

He told me he was leaving me again. He told me that he wasn’t coming back. I said, ‘It’s our son’s birthday. How could you do this on his birthday? He said, “I went out to lunch with all of you. We gave him his gifts. I’m leaving.”

I let him leave and felt relieved—and guilty that I questioned him on our son’s birthday. I should have just let it slide. It was an automatic response. He hides credit card bills and his cell phone bill every month. He was lucky the bill came on a Saturday, so he could snatch it, although even if I bothered verifying what I suspected, it’s pointless. I’m not going to start calling other women to chase them away. Frankly, I feel sorry for anyone who might get involved with him. However, I’ll let them find out for themselves.

He’s great in bed, but he is an abusive asshole.

His hygiene is awful. He went four days without showering last week and he is about four months past needing a haircut. He shaves about once every 2-3 weeks and his toenails are long, green and stinky. He smokes heavily and his breath smells like a stale ashtray. Somehow despite his bad habits women find him sexy.

He is very tall, masculine and athletic with classically handsome facial features. He also has a deep voice and an obnoxious air that women find magnetic. He can also be extremely charming and funny. If you’re not careful though, if something sets him off—BEWARE!

As the cops were pulling up my husband yelled at me, “Yeah, go ahead you cunt have me arrested. Go ahead and lie and tell them that I beat you. Make marks on yourself so they will put me in jail.” I was thinking, “He’s so twisted.” I didn’t threaten to have him arrested. I just wanted him to leave so he didn’t hurt me or my kids.

My husband announced that he wouldn’t leave until after the cops came because he didn’t want to be chased. (I don’t think he would have been anyway.) He has a lot of respect for police officers out of fear. His past includes time a drug dealer--and he stole the bankroll from a pizza store when he was an assistant manager, which was wiped from his record after community service. He also lost his license for getting so many tickets when he was younger.

I’m sure he went outside and told them something awful about me, but I don’t care what he said. He is a fantastic actor. He pretended to be the calm, cool-headed sort with well-measured thoughts. He turned it around before they even came and made it seem like he didn’t lay a finger on me.

The other officer came into the kitchen with me and I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. The officer told me that he couldn’t ask my husband to leave since it was his house. He asked me if I had someplace to go. I said, “I guess my dad’s house.” He asked me if I had called the cops before for something like this. I said, No, which wasn’t exactly true. My dad called the cops once and neighbors have called them when we lived in other places. I explained that I always chose not to call them because I’m embarrassed. I also told him that after it happened I just pretended that it didn’t because it was too painful and I was ashamed of the truth. (I know that my neighbors have had to hear it in every place that we’ve ever lived. It keeps me from being very friendly with them or looking them in the eye.)

I explained that my husband had attended therapy for abusers two or three years ago. I said that he was remorseful for a short time, but went back to his old ways after he got kicked out for not showing up.

He told me that I should get a protection order on Monday. I told him that my therapist told me to do that before, but I was afraid to make him my enemy by doing that. If I just cooperate with him and do what he says it’s not as bad. I am afraid that if I do that he will become even more dangerous.

He didn’t want me to have a job or friends or to go out without him. He treated me like a prisoner.

The odd thing is that for 15 years I was completely faithful to him! If a man flirted with me, I never flirted back. I was a faithful, well-behaved, loving wife. I tried to be alluring and seductive. I know that I wasn’t perfect, but I tried to make him happy.

Three years ago, I turned thirty. I realized that I was getting older. I was unhappy. I was lonely.
He treated me like a dog that he barely tolerated, unless he wanted to fuck me. I began to wonder what it would be like to be with someone else--someone who was kind and gentle, honest and loving and fun—and even sexy.

Recently, I have flirted with infidelity a few times with men who I admired, but I was always too scared to leave him. I gave up chances at new beginnings because I allowed my fear of his reaction to stop me.

If I was sure that it was safe to leave him, that he wouldn’t become jealous and dangerous, I would have tried to make a new start. I was also unsure of the men who came into my life since I spent so long with a man who was devious and mean. I was afraid to trust anyone.

I’m still afraid. I’m so sick of being afraid. I’m sick of hiding. I want to live.

When my mom died suddenly last spring I realized that life is too short. We only get one chance. We should be happy.

My mom would want me to be in a healthy relationship. She would want me to grow and do positive things for myself and my children.

She’s not here to come rescue me anymore, but the fact remains that she wanted me to leave my marriage because she was afraid for me. She loved me. She loved her grandchildren. She hated our situation.

I have spent a lot of years with someone who makes me feel sad, who makes me so nervous sometimes that I feel like I’m going to throw up or I can’t sleep.

I feel extremely guilty that I chose to stay for so long. My kids have been exposed to a very ugly version of marriage. They are used to witnessing violent explosions. They are used to watching me try to defend myself or watching me try to tiptoe around setting him off.

I am desperate for warmth. I want to feel safe. I want my kids to feel safe.

I hope it’s not too late to set a good example for them. I love them with all of my heart and soul.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Cherry Curvaceous Character

I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way." Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner), in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

A few boys called me Jessica Rabbit when I was in high school. It always made me blush. One of my gym buddies recently gave me the same nickname, so I felt compelled to look her up. Some people refer to her as the sexiest female cartoon character of all time. I even read that she is the red-headed, animated version of Marilyn Monroe.

I have gone through a few red-haired periods, which were fun, but I'm usually blond. I hope that I have just a few pounds of her cherry curvaceous sex appeal.

Jessica Rabbit is the voluptuous femme fatale in the 1988 feature film Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, which was based loosely on Gary Wolf's 1981 book Who Censored Roger Rabbit? Jessica is the absurdly sexy wife of hapless hero Roger and a temptation to detective Eddie Valiant. With mock innocence and more curves than Daytona, she delivers the immortal line "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way." Jessica also added spice to later Roger Rabbit cartoons, playing nurses and the like.

Jessica Rabbit: You don't know what it's like Being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie Valiant: You don't know what it's like Being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.

Friday, January 06, 2006

A Charming Encounter

The morning after my husband told me his mind was made up and we were getting a divorce, I went to the gym. I decided to continue taking care of myself and to keep a positive attitude. I am not feeling bitter. However, I’m still somewhat in shock even though I sort of knew it was coming.

Anyway, I was explaining that I went to the gym--and I was glad that I did. A few of my gym buddies offered hugs and kind words of advice. I even met a new friend through an older one. The man who introduced himself to me through our mutual buddy wasn’t aware that I was freshly dumped, but he offered me a romantic story. He is deeply in love with his wife. He explained how he proposed to her. His words were beautifully eloquent and the setting was a gorgeous Italian vista. I felt a little envious of his wife. It made me think, “Wow, there are real romances! They don’t just happen in the movies.”

The man who spoke such pretty words about his wife is a handsome, Irish-Catholic Chief of Police with piercing blue eyes and a friendly face. His gold band flashed a reminder that some men not only proudly wear their wedding band, but speak illustriously of winning the woman of their dreams--even to new friends. I was almost moved to tears.

Chief Irish is valiant for dedicating his life to helping others, and for his spirited heart. I hope that I am lucky enough to meet more people like him.

I walked away from him feeling a little warmer inside. I got onto the elliptical trainer and as my heart pumped faster and faster I heard a touching song coming through the speakers. It sounded like the soulful voice of Joss Stone. The song spoke of freedom and it made me smile.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Folded--Queen of a Broken Heart

My husband left me. He packed his bags and left. He’s been waiting to do it for a long time. He waited until after the holidays. He’s fed up with being suspicious of me. He told me that he loves me and that I’m sexy and beautiful and a good mother, but he doesn’t trust me anymore. The truth is I don’t exactly deserve to be trusted. I’m not sleeping with anyone or physically cheating on him, but as usual I’m searching for men who might make good friends, since I don’t have an amiable connection with my husband.

And honestly, I have been half-heartedly looking for someone who would make a loving, trustworthy, fun and sexy boyfriend or even second husband—and I’m flirting with infidelity.

I’m married to a poker playing addict with a bad temper. He plays cards online almost every evening when he comes home from work, during dinner (If he comes to the table at all he eats very quickly and then runs back to the computer) and after I’m in bed. He plays poker as soon as he wakes up on his days off from work. He even played poker on Thanksgiving, our anniversary (I even opened my gifts while he played cards), Christmas and New Years Eve and Day.

He fucked me under his desk on New Year’s Day while he was playing cards online--twice in fact. A few minutes before our company arrived for champagne brunch, he grabbed me in the kitchen and drug me into the office, while the coffee was brewing and the bacon and sausage were frying. I called out to my daughter to watch the pan. He ripped off my clothes and bent me over the desk. He was on break from a tournament and I was his sex toy while he waited for the dealer to return.

Shortly after our guests left he wanted me again, but he was still in a poker tournament, so he pushed me under the desk. Otherwise I was ignored or treated with a contemptuous air. I’m his little fuck whore. I get under the desk so I can suck his cock while he waits for a good hand and then I get on my hands and knees so he can squirt his seed into me. I’m really good at playing the role of invisible wife until he grows hungry for grabbing at my breasts and ripping off my jeans. Sex with him is really fantastic. Otherwise our relationship is pathetic and sad.

We spoke on the phone yesterday afternoon. We talked about our last dinner and shopping experience together. He treated me like he treats his mom--with seething impatience, cruelty and intolerance. He was temperamental and rude. It was stressful to be walking beside him since I didn’t know what he might say or do next to hurt my feelings or embarrass me.

He’s constantly overtired since he stays up most of the night playing Xbox live or poker and then his mood is extraordinarily childish. He acts like a spoiled five-year-old who has no concept of how he appears to others or makes others feel. I often find myself hating him and then feeling guilty for it.

I cried on the phone with him yesterday. It’s heartbreaking that we don’t like each other anymore. We love each other, but we don’t like each other. We don’t trust each other and we don’t make each other happy.

We share two kids who we adore.

I wish we could have found tender friendship.

I wish he would have offered me warmth beyond what his lust for my body inspired.

I wish he would have hung out with me more instead of playing poker or his other hobbies.

I wish I didn’t feel so lonely in our marriage.

I wish that he wasn’t explosive, abusive and dangerous.

I wish that it didn’t melt me when his deep voice said, “I love you, baby.”, while he embraced me.

I wish that I didn’t find him so physically attractive.

I wish that the fear and pain and anguish that he has caused me was enough to make me fall out of love and lust with him.

I hope that someday I won’t feel like such an unlovable failure.

I’m scared.

I’m heartbroken.

I’m not sure why love and lust wasn’t enough. I know it’s still there for both of us. It’s buried under hurt, mistakes, mistrust and fear.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Kissing is Beautiful

I admire Drew Barrymore’s way of viewing life. She seems to be a sweet, free spirit with a big heart. She’s not afraid to embrace life and take risks and make mistakes. I’ve loved her since I saw her in ET when I was ten-years-old. We are close to the same age and I discovered that we share many similar ideas about life…
  • "If you don't take risks, you'll have a wasted soul."
  • God made a very obvious choice when he made me voluptuous; why would I go against what he decided for me? My limbs work, so I'm not going to complain about the way my body is shaped.
  • Kisses, even to the air, are beautiful.
  • Kissing - and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing - is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.
  • My whole life, I've wanted to feel comfortable in my skin. It's the most liberating thing in the world.
  • Oh, I love hugging. I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug 10 people at a time!
  • There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk.
  • I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic.
  • I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end.
  • I want people to love me, but it's not going to hurt me if they don't.
  • If you're going to be alive and on this planet, you have to, like, suck the marrow out of every day and get the most out of it.
  • I aspire to be that, to be a voice of reason one day.
  • I believe that everything happens for a reason, but I think it's important to seek out that reason - that's how we learn.
  • I definitely don't think that I'm hot doo-doo. I don't.
  • I don't know anybody's road who's been paved perfectly for them, there are no manuals, you don't know what life has in store for you.
  • I don't want to be stinky poo poo girl. I want to be happy flower child.
  • I get to be a kid now, because I wasn't a kid when I was supposed to be one. But in some ways, I'm like an old woman-lived it, seen it, done it, been there, have the T-shirt.
  • I never want to get to the point where it's all about my needs, and the hell with anybody else.
  • I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows.
  • I really want to understand the mind so I can be more comfortable with the way people are. Being comfortable with people is incredibly important.
  • I think it’s nice when people find love, because I feel like everyone deserves it.
  • I understand there are inevitable things that we have to go through: heartbreak, family problems. I don't feel like some quixotic idiot who says, 'We don't have to feel pain.' No! Let's feel it, let's make it work for ourselves. But I want us all to be able to get past it.
  • I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself.
  • I want people to be blown away when I do what they don't expect.
  • I'm not after fame and success and fortune and power. It's mostly that I want to have a good job and have good friends; that's the good stuff in life.
  • I've always said that one night, I'm going to find myself in some field somewhere, I'm standing on grass, and it's raining, and I'm with the person I love, and I know I'm at the very point I've been dreaming of getting to.
  • If you're going to go through hell, I suggest you come back learning something.
  • It's only through listening that you learn, and I never want to stop learning.
  • Life is very interesting... in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths.
  • Love is the hardest habit to break, and the most difficult to satisfy.
  • When I lay my head on the pillow at night I can say I was a decent person today. That's when I feel beautiful.
  • Everyone is like a butterfly; they start out ugly and awkward and then morph into beautiful graceful butterflies that everyone loves.
  • You've just got to do the best that you can.
    Drew Barrymore

Sunday, January 01, 2006

More Soulful Sex in 2006

As many of my readers know, I like to write erotic stories once in a while. I am also fascinated by great erotic storytellers and by the idea of "the virtues of vice and the vice of virtue" which is explored in the story Justine by the Marquis de Sade.

I love sexual exploration and testing boundaries, however I have done little that would be considered unconventional. On the occasions that I have role played or tested the pleasure/pain principle it has turned me on beyond my normal realm. I love the intensity and excitement that trying new ideas, situations, costumes, props and toys add to a sexual escapade. I like playing the roles of both domination and submission. However, I’m naturally more submissive and prefer being told what to do. I’m not a big Britney Spears fan but I like her lyrics…

I’m a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I’m a slave for you. I won’t deny it; I’m not trying to hide it. Baby, don’t you wanna, dance upon me, (I just wanna dance next to you) To another time and place. Baby, don’t you wanna, dance upon me, (Are you ready) Leaving behind my name, my age. (Lets go) (Like that) (You like it) (Now watch me) Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOA) Get it get it, get it get it (WHOOOOOA) Get it get it, get it get it (OOOHHHH) [Panting] I really wanna dance, tonight with you. (I just can’t help myself) I really wanna do what you want me to. (I just feel I let myself go) I really wanna dance, tonight with you. (Wanna see you move) I really wanna do what you want me to. (Uh Uh Uh)

The idea of pleasing someone whom I admire makes my pulse quicken and swells the pink flesh between my thighs.

When I was in my early twenties, I was somewhat reserved and afraid of the full power of my imagination and spirit--and of my body. I became braver as I ripened. I became more open minded and began to enjoy my curvaceous body and the power that it can have over the core of a man. I began to embrace my ability to give pleasure and receive it while flaunting my femininity.

I don’t consider myself sexually preoccupied. I don’t masturbate or have sex every day or even every other day. However, I think that sex is one of the most sensational natural acts that life has to offer. I don’t believe in starving myself in regard to lust filled endeavors. Blood engorged body parts are more deliciously worthy of devouring than a juicy chocolate and whipped cream dipped strawberry.

Sex is soulful and delicious and should be savored in every mood. I hope you enjoy it as much as you can in 2006! I plan to try out new sexy scenarios this year and I hope you will, too.

*I share my body and mind with one adventurous and attractive partner. Safe sex is scintillating, too! Finding a fabulous match is difficult, but the hunt is fun. Good luck!