Barebreasted and Barefaced

I deleted Jessica’s Journal. It was a bummer, especially since it took me a year to build relationships with readers. However, I chose to do it, since one of my son’s neighborhood buddies found it through a Google search about our township. He told my son about finding it--and two of their other best friends.

I asked him how he knew it was mine, and he said, “Ah Mom, he recognized you from your pictures.” Then I realized it was a dumb question given my name was there, too.

I was not embarrassed by it, however I was concerned that my son might feel differently and be too kind to tell me so. Well, maybe I was a little uncomfortable given that I flashed for breast cancer in October. (Even though my pink protrusions were covered by pink ribbons) My blog had a risqué flair, which I think made it more provocative.

The G-side boys, whom I’ve known since they were in second grade, have likely seen my breasts. That kind of freaks me out. I like to showoff, but I don’t like flashing 15 and 16-year old boys. I never thought about the fact my son’s friends might come across my blog. I realize that I was being naïve.

I knew that I wasn’t writing in a vacuum, but according to my Statcounter, I didn’t have many local readers. That little tool is pretty cool. It shows the reader’s location, time spent on the page, the link or search that they used, how many visits and entries they have made and even their IP address.

I have the feeling that seeing these young men at the pool next summer might be a little awkward. They are well over six feet tall and handsome, but I still think of them as little kids, even though they have low voices and long limbs. Next time I see them, I will just have to be honest with them. I will explain that I know that they had seen it, and just tell them that I was a bit shy about their discovery.

I will also explain that I have decided to publish the first year of my journal from mid- November 2004-2005. I may have lost my blog and some of my dignity, but I still have my files. I hope that it will make a somewhat compelling book. I haven’t decided on a title and I have some editing to do. I’ve been putting it together two hours at a time, usually when I come home from the gym.

I also haven’t decided whether to use a pen name or my real name. However, I think that given that I’m candid about my life, a pseudonym is probably the smarter choice. I plan to at least use my real first name, as I always have.

I have spoken to three publishers this week. I’m trying to figure out which company offers the best services and the highest royalties—that’s assuming there will be any royalties to be had. I’m working on putting my posts into one long, dated document. I hope that someone will buy my book. I hope that lots of some ones will buy it, read it and be amused and moved by it.

I would like to publish one journal per year, if all goes well, or if I don’t get sick of hearing myself type. Hopefully, truth makes art worth reading.

When my book is selling on Amazon.com and elsewhere, I’ll let everyone know. I hope that you all will support my dream. If anyone else has a book for sale, let me know, I’d like to support yours, too!