Tuesday, December 20, 2005

How To Make Her Drunk With Lust and Admiration (or Make Her Sick)

* This post was listed by Philadelphia Weekly under the headline
Blogicized: Don't punch your date in the face.

Ten Things Men Should Say or Do (while trying to establish a sexy relationship)…

1) Whenever you see her give her a warm hug and press your lips gently against hers and tell her that she looks beautiful. Gaze at her with lust in your eyes. The more a man shows his desire, the more hers grows for him.

2) Spend at least fifteen minutes per day trying to get to know her better and be just as willing to share yourself with her. Developing a trusting, warm friendship is the best way to create intimacy that will likely develop into something steamy. Most women love sharing intimacy with someone whom they consider a friend.

3) Open car doors and offer her your arm while walking--and make her feel safe. Good manners are chivalrous and very charming.

4) Give her a flirtatious nickname and say it like you mean it. Adoring nicknames create closeness and make her feel like your treasured pet.

5) Be reliable. Be sincere. Be yourself. If you tell her lies or embellish your occupation or wealth, she will find out eventually and dump you. Honesty shows that you have integrity, which is more important than a fat wallet.

6) Have good hygiene and smell clean all over. (Haircut, shower, shave, clip, trim and brush.) If you look and smell delicious, she will want to taste you.

7) Call her and tell her that you can’t wait to see her again or that you miss her. This makes her feel important, which creates excitement.

8) Make her laugh and touch her affectionately. If you make her giggle and possessively caress her curves, she will probably develop a crush on you.

9) Tell her that she is hot and that you want to lick her all over. This creates intensity. Intensity creates a heady buzz sweeter than champagne’s shimmering bubbles and fresh fruity taste.

10) Tell her and express that you love her often and in various ways. Flowers, cards, holding hands, romantic walks, candle light dinners, sensual massages…

If you establish a great romance it will create a healthy, glowing lust that will enrapture your entire body.

Ten Things Men Shouldn’t Say or Do…

First of all, don’t get involved with her if she is not your type or if you don’t think you would or could fall in love with her. It demeans both of you and makes you a user. Nobody wants to be Miss Right Now. They want to be Miss Right or they want you to LEAVE THEM ALONE!

1) Don’t ever say, “Let’s keep it on the down low.” That statement implies that she is not hot enough for you to claim her as your woman or that you’d like to continue shopping.

2) Don’t tell her, “I’m not into PDAs.” (Public displays of affection.) Most women love to hold hands and share kisses and hugs. This remark would make you appear stuffy and boring or implies the same as above. Effusive affection is a clue that you are a giver in bed.

3) Never mention the term “fuck buddy”. Most women prefer romance and hope to be girlfriend material.

4) Don’t let her see you scamming on (talking with) other attractive, young women. It shows her that you are trying in every direction and that she is not good enough or that you enjoy making her jealous. It also tells her to drop it and find someone else who’s hot.

5) Don’t spend more time talking to another cute woman while you’re on your first date. Duh!

6) Don’t push her head into your lap and expect her to suck your throbbing hard-on before you even kiss her. It’s obviously impatient and lacks romance. Romance is IMPORTANT!

7) Don’t spend brief moments talking to her in person or on the phone and make excuses about why you have to move away or hang up during most of your encounters. It tells her that she’s not important or that you’d like to skip talking and just get to fucking. Women love men who are willing to listen. It creates a warm bond that makes her want to snuggle up next to you and do sensational things to your body.

8) Don’t tell her that she is ONE of the hot women whose sweat you’d like to lick off, which implies that you want to lick every fertile, attractive female you see. Women like to believe that you are selective and that she is special.

9) Don’t try to convince her to have sex with you after you have only had one date. It shows that you aren’t really interested in developing something meaningful both mentally and physically.

10) Don’t ever leave without saying goodbye in an affectionate way. Showing caring respect is provocative.

Focus on finding someone who is right for you. Sex is much sweeter if you share it with someone whom you admire in many ways. Dynamic relationships are like champagne. They are a celebration of elegance and dreams created by nature’s juiciest offerings. Treat her like a vintage doux and she will savor your flavor for as long as possible.


If you find someone whom you’d like to kiss under the mistletoe, share a flute of bubbly and then take her out for a drive to view sparkling Christmas decorations and lights. I’m sure she will give you a gift that is much yummier than the chocolate you will find in your Christmas stocking.

*Add your ideas by commenting below....


José Miguel said...

any advices for individuals of long lasting couples that can't get what they (he) wants in sex from her?

SCH said...

Congratulations! You got published!

Andy Land said...

Good Job, Jess. Congrats.

Merry Christmas to you! I'll eagerly await by my inbox for the naughty photos of you in (or out of) holiday attire. ;)

Jessica said...

Jose, I don't claim to be a sexpert. If I wanted something from my lover I'd just ask.

Thanks, SCH and Andy!